Be Your Husband
by laffertyluver23
Summary: The morning of Paul and Emmett's big day and Paul is doing some reflecting. Slash.


**Title: **Be Your Husband

**Pen name: **LaffertyLuver23

**Primary Players: **Paul & Emmett

**Summary: **The morning of Paul and Emmett's big day, and Paul is doing some reflecting.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Twilight Saga. I wish I owned Kellan Lutz's sexy ass… Title from a beautiful Jeff Buckley song.

A/N: I know, this is yet another Paul/Emmett from me, but they are the bee's knees for me at the moment. 

I am in love with Emmett McCarty.

Emmett McCarty and his dimpled smile have wormed their way under my skin and into my heart, and it scares the shit out of me. I still don't know how I love him when I'm not completely sure what that words means, but I know I do.

I look down at the muscled back that glows a soft amber under the light of dawn that has filtered into my bedroom. Normally I don't go for guys with freckles, but the light dust of them along Emmett's back just add to the sweetness of him. Plus they are fun to map out with my tongue during sex.

I place a quick kiss in the valley between a muscle and his shoulder blade. His skin is cool beneath my lips as always. I smile to myself. For Emmett to be as big as he is, and for as much sex as we have, his skin is always cold. I lay my head on his back and let my thoughts drift to when we first met.

I had been at Wal-Mart to buy more condoms. I had plans on fucking someone that night like I did every night. The store had remodeled and I couldn't find the aisle where they kept all those items. A deep voice had asked me if I needed help finding anything and I'd looked up to a name tag that read 'Emmett'. The first thing I had noticed about him, other than his name, was his size. Emmett only looked to be an inch shorter than my 6'5 frame.

Next I'd noticed his honey colored eyes. I remember thinking I'd never seen eyes that color before, at least ones that were real. I took in the rest of his physique in one quick sweep. His dark brown hair curled softly at the tips, he had dimples, a perfect mouth, and was built like a Greek God. I had asked him where the condoms were. Emmett had blushed, which I found weird, but fucking adorable.

After finding the aisle, picking out my magnum condoms and chatting him up, I had asked him out. He had blushed again and agreed. Something then told me he was a sweet, surprisingly innocent guy that I should just leave alone, but I couldn't.

The date itself had been pleasant yet awkward. After, on the ride back to my apartment he had taken the time to tell me all about his life. How he was from Shitville, Alaska, and how he had seven siblings. He told me how at eighteen instead of going to college on a full ride he'd moved to Los Angeles to be an actor. After almost a year of nothing more than a few modeling jobs and too fast a lifestyle, he had went back home to go to school. After school didn't work out he moved in with his uncle here in Forks and got a job at Wal-Mart. Of course I hadn't remember all that at the time, but after two years I now know everything about Emmett.

He had been so sweet and almost child like, so unlike my normal conquest, that I had been patient and listened to his rambling even after the car ride. I had even offered him some of my leftovers and a beer, something I had never done with anyone else. I had felt the need to treat Emmett differently even that first night.

Finally he had shut the fuck up and let me lead him to the bedroom. I had expected him to be submissive and as gentle as his personality, but I had been wrong. Emmett had bottomed, but was anything but submissive. He'd set a vicious rhythm, slamming back hard on my dick, filthy words like honey coming from his pretty lips. Emmett could fuck. And afterward he had surprised me again by rolling off the bed and throwing on his clothes.

'Got to be to work early. I had fun though, we can definitely do this again.'

No obligatory after sex cuddling, or morning after breakfast, not even a promise to call later. I might have fallen in love with him then. He did call me later though, and that night we fucked again.

After that second time I hadn't planned on meeting with him again, but a week later I found myself in Wal-Mart. I had told myself I just needed to go shopping, not that I wanted to see a certain employee. Emmett had been working though, and we had talked for a hour in the body care section. I'd left the store without buying anything.

Our 'relationship' for the next six months built from nights of pizza, beer, and sex, to dinners out, unnecessary text messages, and sex. We became comfortable with each other. In those six months I learned things about Emmett that you only learned about someone you're dating.

It was one morning, when Emmett had just made us his usual Saturday morning breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon, that I realized Emmett had somehow become my boyfriend. He even had some of his clothes in the top shelf of one of my drawers. The realization scared me. What scared me more was the reason why it scared me. If I had been afraid because of the fact that I was in a 'healthy relationship', words that created one serious oxymoron, that would have been okay.

But as I looked across the table at Emmett, pancakes pushing at his cheeks, eyes smiling at me, I was so afraid that I would fuck up this thing we had created, and more than anything I didn't want to. I realized for the first time since my mother had died, I was happy. Not that kind of happy I had experienced every night after fucking some twink from the club, but I was truly happy. Anytime time I had ever gotten close to the feeling, I'd had it ripped away and I'd always ended up a little worse for it.

That night, I had fucked Riley, the Papa Johns delivery boy. I had timed it so that as Emmett was coming over from his shift at Wal-Mart, Riley would be leaving. A few seconds after I'd heard Riley close the door to my apartment it was being reopened by Emmett. For a second my stomach had dropped and I had hopped off the bed to throw on some pants.

When Emmett came in my room, Wal-Mart vest in one hand, six pack in the other, he had actually been smiling. As he'd slowly taken in the smell of sex, the small sheen of sweat still on my body, and probably the cute blonde that he had seen in the hallway, his smile slipped from his face and I lost a little bit of myself once again.

If he would have just yelled at me, I could have handled that. But as I watched his massive chest heave and his jaw clench in an effort not to cry, I could tell in that moment that this wasn't going to be like every other time I lost something good in my life, I wasn't going to be 'fine' if he left.

As I watched the tears start to fall down his face I tried to look indifferent, like I wasn't nervous as hell that he was going to leave me, or breaking inside at seeing the pain I had caused. I had broken hearts before and never thought twice about it. I should have realized this new-found pain was because I was falling in love with Emmett.

Emmett had taken a deep breath and wiped his face against his arm, vest and beer still in his hands. He'd focused his tear-rimmed eyes at me and gave me the biggest look of pity. He'd looked at me like I was a child with cancer and he felt so sorry for me and would do anything to save me, but knew he couldn't.

"Why can't you let yourself be happy?"

Of all the scenarios I had played in my head of how Emmett would react, I had never expected him to ask such a question. I had scoffed at him and rolled my eyes.

"What, you think because you're here all the time I was going to keep things exclusive?" I tried to play angry because I was always good at it.

Emmett had ignored me. "We've been doing this Paul for six months, and I know there are things, dark, fucked up things about yourself that you haven't told me, things that keep you from loving me like I love you, but dammit I thought after six months I was getting somewhere."

"I never said you were my boyfriend Emmett so don't act so hurt that I fucked someone else." I couldn't even let myself pretend to believe in those words.

"And what the fuck do you call us? I'm here everyday Paul, and before this little stunt you pulled I know you haven't been with anyone else in the past six months. If you don't want to be with me then okay, but just let me know why. Why can't you let yourself be happy?"

"You are so full of yourself Em!" I had shouted. He'd hit a nerve. "You're a good fuck, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sorry if I led you to believe that you were more than just a hole to fill, but you aren't."

Some of Emmett's bravado had dimmed at my words. I'd started to feel a swell of hope beneath my breaking heart. I'd thought that maybe he'd leave before I would have had to really hurt him. But Emmett is good to his core and better than just seeing through bullshit he actually works his way through it to save you.

"Who made you believe you were this horrible person that's not worth loving?"

At that point I could feel my wall starting to dissolve and if I wasn't careful Emmett might actually get to me.

"This is bullshit, get the fuck out of my apartment!" I'd yelled.

"No." He'd swelled up his chest at me as if to show that he was serious, that if I wanted him out I was going to have to force his 6'4, 240 lbs body out of my apartment.

"Em, I will fucking make you leave, don't think I won't." And at the time I had meant it. A physical fight was much more welcomed than spilling my guts.

"Would it help you if I tell you some of my secrets?" I didn't respond. I'd just watched as Emmett walked to sit on the edge of my bed and took a deep breath to prepare himself.

"Remember how I told you that I came to Forks because school hadn't worked out?" I'd nodded. "Well, that was a lie. Before I'd left I was in a serious relationship with this guy James. When I'd came back, we kind of started back up.

"You remind me so much him. To most people James was some asshole with a huge chip on his shoulder, but he was so much more than that. James had a lot of issues. He'd had a rough home life and things just never seemed to go his way.

"When I went back, things were better than before. He'd told me that he was getting therapy, that he'd worked things out with his dad, and I thought he was finally getting better. I was happy, he was happy and stable, and we even had made plans to go to Canada to get married." Emmett stopped as a low sob racked his voice.

"I remember we had gotten into this fight one morning and I'd told I hated him and that I was stupid to have came back to him. Of course I didn't mean it at the time, but he had hurt me. When I'd come back home that night the first thing I'd saw was his blood all over the kitchen floor. He'd shot himself in the head at the kitchen table because he thought I didn't love him." Emmett's shoulders shook at effort to control his tears.

"I had just been a kid. I was immature and had just wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me, but if I had known what he was going to do-" Emmett stopped talking and my breathing ceased as his cries were the only sounds in the room.

"Paul, you hurt me so much tonight, but I can't lose you. I love you, and if you truly don't want to be with me then I'll pack my shit and leave right now, but I can't leave you knowing that you wanted me to stay. Do you want me to stay Paul?"

I'd looked Emmett. His eyes were wet and wide, searching for the truth through my face and body language. It was like he was ready for my bullshit. He wasn't even trying to wipe away his tears anymore.

"No." I said thickly. I didn't want him stay, I needed him to stay.

"Paul." I'd dropped to the bed next to him. His broken voice said my name as a command. "Do you want me to stay?"

I'd exhaled, I could feel my guard splitting to let my vulnerability push through and finally be at the surface. "Please," I'd whispered.

Emmett had wrapped me in his arms and held me fiercely. I did something then that I had never before- I cried. I cried because I was finally allowed to. I cried because for the first time in my life someone finally gave a shit about me and didn't want anything in return but my love, which I was going to work like hell to give.

In the months following that night I worked hard on myself. I started therapy to help me learn to cope with my pain. I forgave my father for treating me so horribly, and my mother for turning the other cheek. I forgave everyone from my past and started to heal.

There were plenty of times were I relapsed, and I hate to say that night was not the only night I cheated on Emmett. He did yell at me the second time and it took time and a lot of ass kissing on my part to gain his trust back.

It's funny how much Emmett's changed me. We were picking out flowers just a month ago and I caught myself entertaining him when he tried to convince me that there was something seriously wrong with me if I thought that sky blue and baby blue were the same color. A year ago I wouldn't have been caught dead in a flower shop, and definitely wouldn't have had the patience to spend three hours trying to find just the right color to match Emmett's fucking tie.

As I look down at the man I love sleeping peacefully, I think of the journey I had to take to get to this level of happiness I thought were only in movies. It still amazes me how blessed I am to have Emmett as my friend, my lover, my savior, and by the end of day my husband. 


End file.
